Would you hit your children?

Published July 13, 2011 by ABadKitten

 

For most people, the answer to that question right off the bat would be some variation of “No! Never! What’s wrong with you?!”. It just seems to be an automated reaction to questions regarding physical punishment here in America. It’s a topic of great controversy for me, probably because of how I was brought up.

My great grandparents were first generation immigrants from Italy, so they brought with them what ever they learned as they grew up. So, of course, my dad had the threat of the belt buckle or the wooden spoon as he was growing up (as did his brothers and cousins). I never had the threat of a belt buckle but, then again, I’m a girl so I only was threatened by things like a spanking, the wooden spoon (yet very rarely because my grandmother had the softest heart), soap in the mouth, time out in the corner, etc. Regardless, I did get spanked and I did feel that wooden spoon from time to time just as I know most people my age and older had as well.

The issue for me is understanding one of the main reasons Americans today dislike physical punishment. Not wanting to physically touch your child for fear of their fear of you is one thing, but it’s the “psychological effects” that bother me a little. In just about every psychology class I’ve ever taken this topic is always touched on. There are numerous amounts of articles and studies that “prove” physical abuse is harmful to the delicate psyche of a child. According to such studies, it damages them emotionally; it lowers their confidence; it makes their self-esteem plummet; it causes anti-social behavior; it makes them violent; it causes childhood depression; it delays mental growth; it negatively affects schoolwork; etc.

In general, I call B.S.

If you beat the living crap out of you child then I would be surprised if side effects like the ones mentioned above didn’t turn up. If your child is mouthing off to you and disrespecting you like I see going on with just about every child I see on the street, in my store, where ever…a smack on the butt isn’t going to cause them to take a cannon ball into a well of depression. Spanking your child for spilling milk accidentally will more than likely cause a variation of side effects; spanking your child for throwing his scissors at your head because you wouldn’t let him play in the rain probably won’t…

It’s always going to be a controversy…especially in the United States. I’m 99% certain that the reason I don’t understand why DYFS is called because a young mother playfully slapped her son on the booty because of how I was raised. I think the other 1% may just come from outright disgust of how much we let the younger generations get away with. The scissor incident? That was my boyfriend’s 4 year old brother. I’ve seen things happen in public that make me think “Damn, if I ever did anything like that, I would have been spanked, grounded, and yelled at until my ears bled!”

I was raised to respect people; I was raised to be polite. I was also spanked from time to time when I was impolite and disrespectful and, let me tell you, I’m not anti-social or depressed because of it. My mental development wasn’t stunted (in fact, I spent most of my school time as an “above average” student…until I slacked off in high school ); I didn’t fear my dad unless I knew I was doing something wrong. (My father and I had a pretty healthy relationship…until I hit teen years. Is that a surprise?) I grew up with some people that were raised similar and 1) One was just accepted into medical school 2) They were all very prominent athletes in my high school…aside from one who was in the drama club 3) They were all absolutely polite to teachers, students, friends and got exceptional grades.

I call B.S. Don’t beat the crap out of your children. There is a fine line between punishment and abuse, that I agree with. I also agree that there are ages that children should not experience physical punishment because they wouldn’t understand why it’s happening. What I don’t agree with is that spanking once in a while turns you into a monster that destroys your child with the first contact. Obviously, it worked out for me. Looking at these younger generations…obviously, you need to re-think your actions.

But, in all seriousness, what do you think? Would you hit your children?

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19 comments on “Would you hit your children?

  • I agree with you 100%I’m 36. I remember my first grade teacher hit us with a ruler, and this was normal and accepted. I’m not saying we should still be doing this, but I do remember most kids were just more polite and disciplined. They knew what awaited them if they acted up. When we have kids, my wife and I have agreed that spanking will be used when necessary. By the time you notice that the child understands basic commands such as “stop that” or “no,” if it’s clear that he’s blatantly disobeying, we’ll give him a couple of warnings. If he keeps up the crap, he’s gonna get spanked. End of story. I’m fairly certain that we’re raising a generation of egotistical, self-centered brats that have no discipline and can’t take no for an answer. You see it in young adults (late teens and 20’s), and sometimes even older people. They were allowed to be disrespectful and to throw hissy fits for the silliest of reasons without any consequences. “Time outs” are not consequences. Most kids just wait it out and then go back to doing the same crap as before. A stinging red spot on the back of your thigh (that goes away within minutes), now THAT’s a consequence kids do fear. When these brats grow into children in adult bodies – oh, boy! You feel like smacking people yourself for being so selfish and stupid!  Ugh.

  • I think there is a HUGE difference between spanking and beating the crap out of your children, something a lot of other people don’t see. I can’t say that I’d never spank my future children but I would do my best to not. A person never truly knows what they’ll do until they do it. 

  • @Unstoppable_Inner_Strength – Yes, yes I do. There are so many times that I have to fight the urge to walk over to parents and shake violently. I do think there is a need for organizations like DYFS, but not for punishment that is so terribly needed. That’s not to say there aren’t polite kids that haven’t been physically punished. (My little cousins are perfect examples of polite, well-rounded little lambs.) But seriously. I’ve had kids come into my store and literally rip the shelves off the wall and toss them on the floor because their parents wouldn’t get them a game…I’ve also had a child pee on the floor because they were angry they couldn’t get more than 3 games. That would never happen under my authority. -.-

  • @Pandiie_Bear – It puts them at risk. Meaning, there are outliers. But feel free to disregard the following:The researchers based their results on a nationally representative sample of 806 children ages 2 to 4, and 704 children ages 5 to 9. Both groups were retested four years later.IQs of children ages 2 to 4 who were not spanked were 5 points higher four years later than the IQs of those who were spanked. The IQs of children ages 5 to 9 years old who were not spanked were 2.8 points higher four years later than the IQs of children the same age who were spanked.It’s your child, your family, your life.

  • @Unstoppable_Inner_Strength – In addition, it was found that nations in which spanking is very prevalent, had a lower average IQ. And countries like Sweden, Germany, Italy, and Spain are way past this debate. It doesn’t happen, it is illegal, like physical assault on anybody.(see above response to Ms. Bear) No need to buy it. Your child, your family, your life.Feel free to reject the studies. I am used to Lobo doing it all the time. lol.

  • @AncoraImparo – really?….hmmm…my son was spanked for inappropriate behavior…at the age of 6 he was given an IQ test to see if he needed to be placed in a gifted program because he was bored in school…his IQ measured at 122….the average IQ for an adult?  100 ….my youngest son was the same….two of my nieces who were spanked growing up also were in the gifted programs at their schools….I was spanked growing up, yet all the yearly tests they gave us, I tested at about 3 grade levels sbove from the grade I was currently in….so there goes that theory….

  • I totally agree that spankings are appropriate for inappropriate behavior…I dislike the term hitting your child…there is a big difference between hitting a child and disciplining them….I never hit my children, although I did spank them and they were well behaved, polite, children that people enjoyed being around and they grew up to be well adjusted, polite adults….it’s the lack of discipline, lack of fear of being spanked (some parents are afraid to do so, for fear Child Protective Services will be called) that we see so many uncontrollable children, teenagers and young adults in society nowadays….

  • @KC47 – Yes, really! Did you read the link? Here’s some news for you: I did not pull this straight out of my arse. lol. As much as you might hope and wish that I did. Here, I’ll provide it for you again. source Would you like a list of groups who back my claim? Here you go:American Academy of Pediatrics(this is a biggie)American Academy of Child and Adolescent PsychiatryCenter For Effective Discipline,PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health ProfessionalsChurches’ Network For Non-Violence,Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of ChildrenUnited Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.Your evidence is purely anecdotal. In fact, all of the comments to me are anecdotal in nature. So when some of these responses (“theories”) become logical or somewhat scientific in nature… then we might get somewhere.But talking about your family life doesn’t hold water to the journal of pediatrics and thousands of university’s and MD PhD studies studies. Sorry, KC.

  • @AncoraImparo – So, what are my options with an unruly kid that’s not responding to repeated verbal commands? Take him to a shrink and spend thousands? Maybe pump him full of Ritalin? I’ll pass on that. I don’t think ocassional spanking when absolutely necessary because the kid is being defiant and unruly will make his IQ plummet. I also believe (from my own experience and everyone I know) if you enforce strong discipline early on, with spanking only when absolutely necessary, the spanking becoming less and less necessary because then they will want to avoid it. Eventually, the good behavior becomes their pattern. That’s the way it was for me, my siblings and cousin, and most of my classmates.

  • I wouldn’t “hit” my child.  I’d disciplin them with firm talking to and an occationally spank if what they did deserved it.  I was spanked very rarely but when I did get spanked it was because I needed a reality check and my parents talking toos weren’t doing the job.  I knew why I was getting a spanking and before it happened I had to wait in my room for a little while for it to soak in.  I think the waiting was the worst.  Knowing my parents were disappointed in my actions bad too.  But all in all I was probably a good kid most of the time.  

  • The real question is, what does the Bible say?Proverbs 23:13: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”Proverbs 13:24: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”So it’s not about what we think, but the LORD Jesus Christ.

  • @AncoraImparo – I’m not understanding how our comments aren’t logical to you. We’re giving you actual examples which, in our cases, are facts. Not every opinion or truth has to be “backed up” by an article out of a medical journal and obviously these studies aren’t 100% fact. There are always multiple factors to every outcome.  @NightlyDreams – @KC47 – Perhaps “hit” wasn’t the right word…

  • @Pandiie_Bear – no problem…my comment on the use of that word wasn’t directed at you, mainly, it was my frustration at the so called child experts and teachers who ask children if their parents “hit” them…not do your parents discipline you by spanking, but do they hit you…I had to explain to a teacher once that there was a difference…hitting is doubling up your fist and swinging at them, discipline by spanking is swatting them on the butt….and thank you for supporting my response and the others who used our own examples and those of our children to show that we and them turned out just fine…these “studies” are done with a select group and then the outcome of those studies are applied to the entire population…unless they’re going to study and evaluate every single child and provide the results of those studies then they can’t say that every childs IQ who is spanked is lower than the children who aren’t….

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