“When you live in a world of mannequins, some part of you is going to conform whether or not you want it to.”
I honestly believe that there are some people in this world you, personally, are just not meant to socialize with. It sounds stuck up, come to think of it, but that’s not what I’m trying to say. It’s those people who rubbed you the wrong way from the beginning of your awkward “friendship”, where you might have better classified them as a “frienemy”. The people that were never really there for you when you felt they should have been and, for some reason, seemed to have rather spent their time judging you for petty things that really had no place in civilized, adult conversation. Maybe trying to compare conversations you have with people in high school to adult conversations is stretching it a bit, but I would hope anyone who understands any of this knows what I mean.
Fake people are everywhere, unfortunately, and now I’m forced to believe they will always be in my life in one way or another. We’re probably all going to come across at least one in every aspect of our life. (I hope I can be proven wrong!) High school was a breeding ground, but what else can you expect? Everyone was growing into adulthood, hormones ran a muck, friendships were destroyed/created, yadayadayada. I think it’s time to face the fact that, in reality, we were all a mess in high school. At least a little. Anyway, I digress slightly…because tangents seem to be my thing lately.
So, fake people. Every now and again when I decide to venture on to my facebook, I see status updates sometimes (who am I kidding…constantly) about how “this person hates fake people” or “that person is so fake” and they’re “glad they have rid their lives of fake people” etc. Usually, when I see things like that I just end up rolling my eyes and sighing. Lately, I’ve actually been seriously thinking about reasons these people may have had for saying things like that. I’ve uttered things of that sort millions upon millions of times (mainly in high school and one to two years after) but I never really thought about it. Honestly, since I haven’t associated with most of my former friends, I haven’t felt that way. I haven’t constantly felt paranoid because I knew for a fact things were being said behind my back and I haven’t felt serious feelings of “I hate you but I have to deal with you”. It’s party maturity of the people I’ve surrounded myself with now, but it’s also partly because I cut things like that out.
I don’t think I regret any of my past friendships. Not even the one that hurt me the most and still, to this day, affects me in certain ways. A group of friends that I spent more of my time with were outright bitches towards everyone else…but I still believe they were the truest friends back then. I don’t know if it was just me (as a matter of fact I’m sure it wasn’t just me) but there were some friends that I constantly wore a mask around. I’m pretty sure they did the same thing. I had my share of frienemies in back then that I wasn’t even aware were frienemies. I think we just dealt with each other even though just about everything the other did pissed us off in one way or another. Then there were other people that made you feel so down that you forced that happy face just so they wouldn’t get the pleasure of know they affect you. It’s bull crap like that that destroys things and turns them into some mutated version of a friendship. Everyone wears masks.
When you live in a world of mannequins, some part of you is going to conform whether or not you want it to. You learn from the people around you and develop habits that way, so in certain ways I guess I was fake as well. Fake-ness breeds fake-ness. It’s almost like a terrible disease! A curable disease, but the type that’s right under your nose but you aren’t even aware of it. It’s a shame, really. No one should have to pretend around a friend. You should be able to go to them with a problem or concern and be able to talk to them without feeling judged or ridiculed.
My bottom line is that I still believe there are some people that you, personally, are not meant to associate with. Maybe at one time you were, but that was a long time ago. Moving on can do wonders for you in more ways then one. That’s a concept I’m finally starting to grasp as I get older and distance myself from things I used to do or people I used to know. It makes me sad, but at the same time it feels a lot better. I miss a lot of my old friends, but we’ve grown apart, we’ve grown up, and we’ve grown different in general. That’s just how life is. Plus, I love the people I’ve surrounded myself with now. It’s funny to think that a good portion of the people I feel the most comfortable around are old friends of my boyfriend. (I guess he just chose them better. )