The thing about secrets.

Published August 18, 2010 by ABadKitten

(Source)

I don’t like them. I never have and I doubt I ever will.

I’ve kept my share of secrets that my friends have confided in me (unless they were physically harmful somehow, of course…), but it doesn’t mean I enjoyed doing so. Not that every secret involving how big of a crush she has on him is a terrible deal, but I’d rather not have to keep things like I’m having sex with her boyfriend when this “her” happens to be one of my close friends as well. I don’t need to go through the drama of You’re a shitty friend for not telling me! or You’re a shitty friend for telling her!, so for the sake of Amber’s sanity, drive a nail through my left foot instead.

I’m also not a big fan of secrets in relationships either. On one hand, certain things may be better left unsaid where, on the other hand, some things really need to be brought out in the open. Either way, I don’t care. Personally, I despise the thought of having to keep something from my boyfriend with no intent on telling him. It makes me feel completely dishonest and untrustworthy. Girls are such hard-asses when it comes to the whole “communication, communication!” thing, right? As a matter of fact, yes, I am god damn it. I enjoy feeling like I can go to him for anything and talk to him about anything. I also enjoy it when he feels like he can come to me for anything and talk to me about anything. That’s my personal feeling, so I really don’t care if you agree with me or not. whatevah

Knowing for a fact that things are being kept from you is a really shitty feeling. It diminishes the trust between you and that person, no matter what your reason for keeping the secret is. I’d rather not be suspicious and I’d rather not have doubt, but past experiences make those two things (and a few others) leap upon me like a starved, rabid pack of wolves! As much as I love wolves, I would rather not experience being torn apart and devoured while screaming bloody murder until one finally decides to end me.

I do think that some things are better kept secret, but I also think that trust is precious. I don’t enjoy keeping things from those I love and I especially don’t enjoy knowing they’re keeping things from me.

 

When is it okay to keep a secret from a friend/SO, in your opinion?

 

 

 

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11 comments on “The thing about secrets.

  • I don’t keep secrets. I am usually quite honest but there are some things I withhold from my family and perhaps sometimes my friends. I don’t withhold information because I’m ashamed, I just don’t feel they are ready for it.

  • I think there are going to be secrets, but I agree with you that it isn’t a good habit. Secrets lead to gossip and lying, and most people just aren’t good at keeping them so someone ends up getting hurt more than if everyone was just honest and forthright (though charitable and gentle hopefully in both) in the first place. I mean, really, nothing good comes of it.

  • Sometimes I keep things from my friends and family, but mostly because I just don’t want to deal with the bullshit I’ll get from them if they know the truth.  There are plenty of people in my life that don’t agree with the way I live, and I’d rather just keep it to myself and the people that accept me.  As for relationships, I agree with you.  I’m an open book.  I’ll tell my SO everything, and if they don’t like it they can either come to terms with it or let me loose.  I’m still on the lookout for someone that will take me exactly the way I am.

  • I’ve kept some pretty big secrets from my friends before.  Nothing like what you said but there are just some things I don’t feel comfortable talking about with them and I keep them to myself.  Same with my family…  It’s not about someone else though.  So I feel no harm is done.

  • Secrets can be a slow, but deadly killer of relationship — whether platonic or romantic. On the other end of the spectrum, there is such thing as too much honesty (too much of a good thing is possible).

  • @SodomyClown –@xo_alisonn – There are plenty of things I don’t share with my family, but I keep secrets from there for many reasons. Some of my family is a little…I don’t want to say snobby, but it’s a word in that general area. They have different expectations that I don’t exactly “fit the part” in reality, so to save myself from the disappointed comments, I remain secretive. @Megan@revelife – I agree, it’s a bad habit. I think everyone has secrets in all honesty. I have my share as well with multiple reasons for keeping them. Sometimes keeping secrets (certain secrets, I suppose) can do more harm than good. In my opinion anyway. @captivating__thoughts – Likewise. :[ The guilt is no good.@NightlyDreams – That’s understandable, absolutely. I have personal secrets that I might feel uncomfortable discussing with certain people, so I keep those out of conversation unless I feel comfortable.@m_kabs – This is true. Too much honesty isn’t a good thing either. It’s like a double-edged sword.@rddj623 – I believe being honest is a good thing. To a point, anyway. Like discussed above, too much honesty can also be a bad thing. @mlbncsga – I think secrets and confidences have too different meanings as well. That’s a very good point.

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