If You Really Knew Me! :]

Published August 5, 2010 by ABadKitten

Inspired by BohemianLotus’ entry, I found the idea to be a very interesting one. It’s all about sharing something that you would normally be afraid to share with other people, or maybe even sharing something that you’re afraid to admit to yourself. I’m unmasking Pandiie_Bear and allowing you a brief peek into my true identity. Also, to make this feel less raw for me, I’m alternating between hard-to-share facts and fun-to-share facts.

(Edit: I also changed and combined a few because I felt like I didn’t have enough personal facts.)


If you really knew me, you would know:

shocked How insecure I am. I can’t tell whether or not I lay them out for people to see (I don’t believe I do) or if I let on that I’m an insecure person in general. It’s one of the many things about me that I try to cover up as much as possible, for fear that I would be judged. I constantly compare myself (mind and body) to other people. It doesn’t matter who they are. It could be the girl walking down the hall next to me with the beautiful face and flowing hair or the guy standing in a crowd of his friends, laughing and enjoying himself. Ever comparison I make stems from a different branch of my large insecurity tree. I also don’t think I’m that smart, personally. I know I’m not stupid, I just don’t think I’ve very smart. I’m aware that it’s just my own harsh self-judgment of myself so it’s most likely not true, but that also doesn’t make much of a difference when it comes to my opinion. Stupid opinion. (It is a comfort to know I’m not the only one, though. )

How obsessed I am with strawberries. Oh dear, sweet delicious little fruit, how I adore thee. Honestly, I have never turned away a single piece of fruit. I love fruit, all fruit, every fruit! I have the fortune not to be allergic to fruit, so I take complete advantage of that. Strawberries, though…they are in serious danger when Amber comes around. I would gladly sell my soul for a jumbo, juicy, sweet, god-like strawberry. heart

shocked How afraid I am of confrontation. I’m not all to positive that “afraid” is the best word to use, but I’m letting it stay for lack of a better one. I absolutely hate the thought of confrontation! If I had the choice between arguing about religion and politics or discussing the variety of colors My Little Pony comes in…well, I have to admit I don’t much care for My Little Pony anymore, but at least there would be no baring of the teeth and scratching of the claws. Civilized and adult conversation about a touchy subject, I’m all for it. When it starts turning into a screaming fest and I have to feel that adrenaline, I’d rather not. bummed

How much I love the rain. I’ve always been that freakish girl dancing in the rain, splashing in the puddles. When the sky opens up, an over-all feeling of joy radiates from me. I could never understand why rain depressed people when it made me so incredibly happy. It’s relaxing! (Unless there is thunder or lightening involved…because then I hide under the blankets or cower in my boyfriend’s arms like a wuss.)

shocked How badly I want everyone to accept me. Internet, family, friends, people I meet only once and never speak to again. It sucks! As much as I deny it, I care (quite a bit, actually…) what other people think of me. I try so hard not to, but to no avail. The care is always there. I can only hope that I’ll get over this one day.

How incomplete my life would be without writing. Writing has become such a huge part of my life that I don’t even know how I were survive without it. Poetry is something I usually keep private. I think the reason I don’t share it most of the time is because I honestly don’t think it’s very good, but I couldn’t possibly not write it. Writing stories or rants or things I’ve seen on the news– it doesn’t really matter. Writing in general helps to calm, de-stress, and cheer me up. (As a matter of fact, reading the raw writing of others does a similar thing. Oh, writing )

shocked How afraid I am to “grow up”. I think this stems from my fear of change, which is something I have difficulty explaining. Generally, change doesn’t bother me. It actually excites me sometimes! It’s the huge “your life is never going to be the same” sort of changes that tend to frighten me. I hardly think I’m childish as I never really have been. I’ve always been very mature for my age (not taking into account when I’m messing around with friends). This is not an uncommon fear but I’m having a hell of a time explaining it.


There! One little fact for every (basic) color of the rainbow. ROY G. BIV truly is a great guy.

Now, it’s your turn.





42 comments on “If You Really Knew Me! :]

  • All of these are common ones.  I shared a little on BohemianLotus’ post.  I don’t think I am comfortable enough yet to share too much though.  A blog like that from me will have to wait.

  • I think we’re all a little insecure sometimes.  Yes, ripe, fat, fresh, wet, blood red strawberries!  To sink your teeth into them on that first bite!  EPIC!  I feel ya on the confrontation thing, I’m kinda the same way.

  • @crim077 – Are they? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I know everyone is insecure, but I don’t think everyone thinks they’re stupid or has an insatiable love for strawberries~@Queen_of_You188 – @bluepillorredpill – I get into it if I need to, but I avoid it as much as possible. Though, strawberries could easily solve any issue. @cryingdevil999 – I love arguing with YOU, yes, but not in general. And yes, I do care how other people think of me. Maybe I should have added that to the list. :O

  • @Pandiie_Bear – Well not the strawberries one. lol  But I have known a lot of people and I myself, for awhile thought I was stupid.  We all doubt ourselves.  Thing is you are what you choose to be, so be it arrogant, ignorant, aware, intelligent, or whatever.  You have the power to become what you wish if you are not already. You’d be surprised how much you probably already know though.  

  • Thanks for sharing :DI love strawberries too โค I love how they can go with any fruit in a smoothie combination and it taste good by itself too โค Too bad they turn bad really easily ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  • @Pandiie_Bear – You accomplish a lot by writing it.  You are admitting your insecurities.  That is a big step.  The important thing people need to realize isn’t always what makes us unique because that can create loneliness.  Sometimes it’s more important to realize how similar we are as people.  But I like the newer ones, they feel more personal for you.  

  • If you really knew me you’d know that I beleive anything seemingly heart-felt posted on the internet for the masses to read at their given leisure is terribly insincere and  embellished.

  • i really loved this post. and you seem like a very sweet person ๐Ÿ™‚ try not to compare yourself so much. its so pointless. though we all do it at times.the adrenaline thing you get during confrontation sends me insane. its like i have a hightened fight or flight response. i end up either crying and running away or going INSANE and wanting to rip their eyes out. then feeling sick and out of breath for a while after… so i tend too stay away from those situations too :/

  • @Findingvanessa – It really is pointless. Most of the time, I don’t realize I’m doing it. Not until that overall crappy feeling hits me, anyway. I pretty much get the same reactions. Most of the time, though, it just feels like I drank ten cups of coffee and that feelings lasts quite some time after the confrontation has ended. It’s annoying!@quodmenutriut – Hooray! *goes to read*

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