(Edit: Since I originally wrote this at 4:00 am, I did a bit of…cleaning up! )
(In a nutshell)
Men are not mentally monogamous. They have the urge to spread their seed across the land while women have the instinct to, basically, incubate.
I was watching the Larry King show early this morning, and the topic being discussed blew me away. There were three women (excluding the host) arguing about different point of views concerning infidelity in a relationship. There was an author who wrote a book which encourages women to let their husbands cheat, an ex-mistress who was 100% positive that every man will cheat, and Bethanny from the Real Housewives of New York and Bethanny Getting Married? arguing they’re both out of their minds.
Woman number one (the author of Sugar Babe) says the key to a successful, healthy relationship is to “negotiate fidelity”– meaning, the woman should allow her man to cheat. She says it’s a very “educated and natural thing to do” and that the only reason we feel marriage is sacred is because of old-fashioned rules we are used to.
Woman number two (the former mistress) says if you have to negotiate in ways like that, your relationship is not healthy and you should probably get out of it. (She also runs a website that helps women (mistresses) get out of their unhealthy relationships with married men.) She says she is 100% positive that all men cheat, that it’s a fact that is unavoidable. She says that men prey on women because of their physiological needs to spread those seeds and because of their intense sexual urges that are stronger than that of women.
Then we have Bethanny (Oh…how I love that woman) arguing on the side of “Not all men cheat” and “You’re both bat shit crazy”. She asks what is the point of marriage, the binding of two partners, if negotiations need to go down in allow the man to taste the sugar of what ever woman he pleases? She argues with the ex-mistress by saying not all men cheat and that not all men “prey on women”. Women cheat as well, women have sexual urges that are just as wild, and there are women who “prey” on men. As for the author, Bethany argues that successful relationships are not based on infidelity negotiations in which the woman allows the man to cheat. They are based on love, care, hard work, and understanding (among other things).
Personally, I’m on Team Bethanny here. I think saying something such as “all men cheat” is absolutely absurd (not to mention incredibly insulting to every man who respects women and would never do that to the one they love!). I feel that, in giving my boyfriend permission to sleep with however many woman he wanted when ever he wanted would do more harm to our relationship than good. I don’t see the point of being in a relationship if the two people are not dedicated to each other. Plus, I’m not willing to put my body’s health at risk so he can let the snake out of the cage when ever he pleases.
Marriage and relationships are full of negotiations–fact. Relationships take work, sometimes hard work, to keep intact–fact. Some men (and women, hello!) will not be faithful to their partners–fact. However, I don’t believe giving your man permission to cheat on you is going to do much of anything for your serious relationship. I also don’t believe for one moment that every single man on this planet is incapable of being faithful. Everyone has urges, but it doesn’t mean everyone will act upon them.
“Hello sweetie. How was work?”
“Hey baby. Oh, work was great. I boned Becky after lunch and then Melissa gave me head while I was driving home. I just dropped her off at her house.”
“Oh, that’s nice honey! Now that you’ve taken care of your uncontrollable sexual urges for the day, I feel it’s safe to say our relationship is stronger than ever! By the way, how is Melissa doing? I haven’t spoken to her ages.”
Really? No thank you.
Who do you agree with? Do you believe that every man will cheat?