I’m obviously a moron.

Published July 17, 2010 by ABadKitten

I’m not sure what I do to make people believe that my brain isn’t functional. I don’t understand why people who I haven’t even met assume they’re more intelligent than me, or why people I’ve only met a few times with minimal conversation think it necessary to spell out “doctor” for me.

Do I really give off the impression that my intelligence is equivalent to that of a two-year-old? Because if I do, maybe I should start doing what other people do in order to fulfill some odd urge to prove to random strangers that I am, indeed, one of the most intellectual people they’ll ever come into contact with.

I’ll even make a list for myself to follow based off of what I’ve learned from these types of people. (In no particular order)

  • Make an incredible effort to constantly insert outrageously large words into each sentence to give off that impressive “intellectual” vibe. George Bush did it, why can’t I?
  • Make a point to talk down to each person I meet until they’ve gone through extensive lengths to prove themselves worthy of my level of intelligence.
  • Sneer, sigh, and laugh at each small, meaningless mistake other people make in their written or spoken grammar, spelling, sentence structure, etc.
  • Make sure to point out each and every one of said mistakes. Use them against the person to make it obvious that they’re brain-dead, drooling morons.
  • Constantly question the statements of other people I’m conversing with and asking if they “have even bothered to check a news source or other historical resource in order to back that obvious and clear assumption up”.
  • If I ask a question, don’t allow the person I’m directing it to a moment to mull it over. Automatically assume that, if they take a moment to think, my question has gone over their head or is too difficult for their small brain to handle.
  • No matter how small or easy the word is, make sure to spell it out for the person writing it down while peering over their shoulder intensely.

These are just a few trends that I’ve noticed up along the way. Am I missing any?

I’m not perfect, okay? I make stupid errors sometimes for a variety of reasons. These reasons range anywhere from I don’t write my best on a half an hour of sleep…sorry? to I didn’t revise carefully enough. It happens to the best of people. Almost every professor I’ve ever had has made a small mistake or two. Why? Because they’re human, and it happens.

I’m not stupid. I also have no desire to go out of my way just to prove that to anyone, especially if the only way to do so is to have some form of tedious argument that ends up turning into a less-than-civilized conversation.If you assume you’re a genius and everyone else surrounding you in this magnificent lecture hall (or online blog for that matter…) could never possibly amount to your level of intelligence, you either have a personality disorder, you were picked on by one too many people in high school, or you simply need to remove your own head from your ass and realize that the thought processes of the people around you are different than your own.

Just because the boy next to you reads slower than you doesn’t mean he’s a moron.

Get over yourself.

Time to go make some green tea….

Advertisements

18 comments on “I’m obviously a moron.

  • Mistakes are a funny thing. Its very difficult to judge someone else’s mistakes because the identification of the mistake is based on the recognition of rules. And as hard as rules try to maintain a standard of objectivity, they are highly subjective, even in the case of grammar. The only requirement for being a genius is feeling like one.

  • Almost ever professor I’ve ever had has made a small mistake or two.OMG! Ur a moron!! U shuld of said “every.”  God, u suck monkey sweaty ballz. In all seriousnes, though, I loved this post. I think a lot of people do have their heads far up their sphincters. Way too many.

  • Leave a Reply

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

    Connecting to %s

    %d bloggers like this: